Announcing Our New Get-Rich-Quick Scheme, N£DTcoin (April Fools 2019)
Editor’s note: N£DTcoin’s economy crashed before it even got started. For historical purposes, the original announcement has been left unchanged below, but unfortunately you will no longer be able to invest in N£DTcoin. Happy April Fools!
With the rise of cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, many go-getting entrepreneurs with nothing but their GPUs and free electricity from their college dorms have been making it big in the mining scene. Meanwhile we at NLDT have been stupidly trying to extract capital from gamers by selling them novelty shirts, like a bunch of gormless rubes who don’t understand that we’re in the digital age full of cyber-wealth and New Money. Well no-fucking-more, we’re tired of this bullshit. Today we’re launching a new cryptocurrency called N£DTcoin.
Just like all your favorite cryptocurrencies that you know and love, N£DTcoin is mined by tiny little gnomes living in graphics cards and dedicated circuit boards specifically for blockchain calculations. We’re pretty sure this is what mining pools are talking about when they refer to “workers.” It’s the gnomes. This free (if you don’t pay your own electricity bill) labor is ripe for the exploitation. Seriously, what were we thinking? Streaming video games and making shirts that bring laughter and happiness to you and your friends? Poppycock! The most successful companies don’t get successful by making great products, they get successful by exploiting workers! And we’re going to stretch that analogy to mining workers as well.
Now, getting started with a cryptocurrency is a complex affair (since we pay our own electricity bills) so we haven’t actually started the blockchain yet. But we will soon, right before we go live. Trust me, we’re gonna go live tonight. We definitely won’t go dark for two hours then tweet saying “never mind, not feeling well, can’t stream tonight, sorry guys!”
In the meantime, while you wait for us to start the N£DTcoin blockchain, you can pre-invest in our eco-terrorist ponzi scheme by buying our new N£DTcoin t-shirt! Wait, did I say ponzi scheme? Well, it doesn’t matter anyway, gamers have about the same memory capacity as a goldfish. By the time I finish this sentence they’ll have forgotten I even said it.
By buying this shirt, you’ll help offset the cost of us building a glorious mining farm, made of gold and ASIC miners, shaped like a 100-foot-tall Gamecube, in the middle of the Mojave desert. Trust me, it’s gonna be worth it. We’re all going to get filthy rich, and definitely not regulated by any governments.
Now, we’re off to put the word “blockchain” all over our SEO so we can trick a bunch of investors into giving us money. You can help us out by sharing this blog post with all your friends and convincing them to buy one of these shirts. We’ll let you know when the blockchain’s started, right before we go live tonight, that is, if we’re feeling up to it! We didn’t get a lot of sleep last night because we’ve been busy concocting this scam in time for April 1st.